Works every time
Posted in General on 26. Sep, 2010
Works every time.Very Important Tip: No matter how many drinks you have, you are not a great dancer. A few days ago, I squirmed in horror as a sweaty woman at an office party flailed her arms wildly and attempted to bump and grind with a very nervous looking colleague. And check for security cameras: You may want the clinch of passion indelibly printed on your mind, not as a screensaver on your smirking colleague’s computers.But what if the only man hitting on you is your lecherous boss? Don’t panic, stay away from the mistletoe, and mention a few anecdotes about how huge payouts have gotten on sexual harassment claims. It’s just not sexy.Speaking of sex, go ahead and sleep with that co-worker. Vowing to be good is like trying not to eat your emergency chocolate bar. But if you are planning to get horizontal on the boardroom table, remember to come prepared: bikini wax, emergency cash for a cab home and condoms should all be sorted. Because every-one makes such an effort, the Christmas party is probably your only chance of the year to show up in a gold ballgown and dissolve the sexual tension that’s been building between you and that hot guy from your department, so don’t waste it.
Just one caveat: If you’re on the pull, avoid wearing too much “festive” attire such as flashing reindeer antlers and Santa hats. The next day I was mortified, but all anyone could talk about was some guy who peed on the red carpet at the Cond?ast party next door.When it comes to clothes, never be afraid to ditch the little black dress and wear something fabulous if you want to make an impression. And yes, eggnog counts.If you do go too far, just remember that there will always be someone, somewhere, who behaved more outrageously than you did A few years ago I met Hugh Grant at a movie premiere. As I approached him, in true Bridget Jones style, I tripped and knocked all of the cardboard movie posters off their tripods and dumped a glass of champagne on him All while a photographer snapped away. I’ve heard all of the excuses, from “Vodka is OK because it’s on the Atkins diet” to “Clear drinks give me less of a hangover”. That may be true, but you’ll still have your head in the lavatory the next day.
Often, they will keep spouting their theories of mixology right up until the moment when they wake up on a night bus in a puddle of yellow vomit. At every party, there will be someone who tries to convince themselves that sticking to mulled wine or not mixing beer with champagne will keep them sober. You’ll just sway more and slur your carefully crafted chat-up lines.I’ve found that it’s also a myth that sticking to one type of tipple will stop you from getting drunk. He was charming during our conversation – and, if Tony’s got the time, so has your manager.
Waiting for liquid courage to kick in won’t make you sound wittier. When I saw Tony Blair at a charity reception in the run-up to Christmas, I knew he wasn’t going to approach me – so I bowled over and politely interrupted his chat with two much more important people. For years, my girlfriends and I have been pooling our invites and attending each other’s work parties – technically against the rules but it’s so much easier for girls to crash.Flying solo can be a bit daunting, but it’s worth the effort because you never know who you are going to meet at Christmas parties. Contrary to popular belief that the festive season is couple-centric, there is no better time to catch the Pre-Holiday Dumpers, those newly single guys who couldn’t face the thought of spending the holidays with someone they don’t really love – or getting quizzed by potential in-laws about “the future”.
Then I fell down a flight of stairs before becoming trapped in the loo. The next day, I pretended that it didn’t matter, that “everyone else” had been as inebriated as I was It’s not surprising, then, that we split up a week later These days, I love going to holiday parties alone. At the Miramax event, which I attended with my then-boyfriend, my first mistake was nervously downing eight cocktails within two hours in front of his increasingly alarmed colleagues. The next day, lying with an ice pack on my head, I realised that it didn’t have to be this way: These days, I always try to keep a few rules in mind when navigating the social minefield that is the party season.
Back then, I didn’t realise that the answer to the question “Was I really that drunk last night?” is always yes. As I lay locked in a lavatory cubicle, crying in a crumpled heap at the Miramax Christmas party, I realised that there is a fine line between downing doubles at the free bar and imminent career suicide. Her husband, Johnny, who died last year, found the slab in a quarry years ago, and thought it would make a nice headstone.But, at Sotheby’s in London yesterday, a private collector paida total of £201,600 for the limestone carving of St Peter.The piece dates from the early 10th century and was spotted by a local potter and amateur historian, Chris Brewchorne.Alexander Cader of Sotheby’s said of Mrs Beeston: “It was like winning the lottery for her.